Jul 2nd

Do you know how to be married?

Submitted by: Lory Ishii

If I could have a quarter for every time someone I knew asked me, “do you think he/she is my soul mate?” then I'd be moving into Bill Gates' house.   Ellen McCarthy of the Washington Post recently published an article entitled, “The Marriage Myth: Why do so many couples divorce? Maybe they just don't know how to be married.” The article touches on some really important relational aspects, which I list below…with my own spin, of course:

  • Instead of spending so much time, effort and money on reconciling marriages after they've broken up, we should focus on how to prevent breakdowns in relationships before they start.
  • The title is right—maybe the question is not, “did I marry the wrong person?” but rather, “do I know how to be a married person?”   A lot of couples studied responded that had they known of the skills and tools to resolve conflict sooner, they may still be married to their first spouses. About 40% of U.S. marriages end in divorce. Close to 70% of all second marriages end in divorce.
  • Empathy and listening go a long way. Learning to completely listen, with empathy to your spouse, without interrupting so that you can advance your opinion, is GOLDEN. Sometimes your spouse may be saying something illogical. But if you truly listen, you'll be able to discern that whatever they are saying is not the real issue…it's about how they feel when you do X,Y, Z or when X, Y, Z happens. The article talked about a “parroting” practice, where each spouse is given the opportunity to talk, uninterrupted, and the other spouse must repeat back what they heard. And they take turns doing that until they reach consensus about what was said and what was heard .
Marriage and relationships are wonderful blessings. There really is no such thing as finding the “right person.” Studies have shown that almost all couples have the same amount of conflict (usually regarding time, money, sex, and kids). But the couples who have lasted to their golden anniversarys just have a healthier way of handling the conflict and finding creative solutions to their differences.  

What are your thoughts on this article? Will you make a commitment today to listen to your loved ones? It will make for a healtheeier you!

Comments

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.

You May Also Like

  • EVOX - Perception Reframing
    How Perception Reframing Can Improve your Health, Relationships&Performance

    The EVOX facilitates a process called Perception Reframing. Perception is the way you feel and think about something. Because we perceive more than we are aware of, perception is more often ‘felt’ rather than ‘thought about.’

    EVOX uses the voice (VOX is Latin for voice) to map perception about specific topics like health, relationships, work or athletic performance; any aspect of life. It then analyses that map, called a Perception Index, and creates a playback information packet that the body uses to bring perception to the level of awareness and allow it to be reframed. EVOX is used to improve every aspect of human performance.
  • Farmer's Market Above the City
    I've been wanting to check out Yamashiro Restaurant's Garden Market since they opened a couple of months ago. Though I am a LA native, I haven't visited this amazing historical landmark till this week!


    Note: Their $2 valet service has been discontinued. BUT, there is free parking at the Fifth Christian Science Church @ 7107 Hollywood Blvd (enter off N. La Brea Ave) where a complimentary shuttle service will take you up the hill. We arrive late - around 7:45 - and noticed quite a few people walking down the hill -- which mean, they must've walked up. It was still bright out at 7:45 so if you go early, it'd be a nice short hike up and down the hill.
  • The Sad Claims about Agave Nectar
    During the past five year of practice, I've recommended agave nectar as the sweetener of choice, having learned of its low glycemic index and therefore, its benefits over table sugar, commercial honey and of course, high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). This product of this noble Mexican cactus, famed for it's fermented beverage, tequilla, has since then, replaced sugar, maple syrup and honey in many pantries across the country.


    September 2007, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - Happy to be amongst agave plants at a local tequila factory.